Baile, you say?

Instead of going to the baile/beauty contest for my school on Friday (which honestly, I DO feel badly about – I really should’ve been there for my community), I went to Abigail’s birthday fiesta out in the campo (read: boonies). She is a G75 SAS PCV in Veraguas, too. So, a big group of us headed out together following our regional meeting. We bused to Cañazas, then chiva’d to another spot (don’t know the name), and then we hiked to Los Bajos. HIKED! (It was mostly a dirt road that had ups and downs and even two streams to cross over. I would’ve said that it’d be much more fun if I wasn’t carrying stuff AND I didn’t have the sun as a personal nemesis.) Everyone said it’s a really easy hike. …. I beg to differ, but yeah. Those SAS volunteers are in such better shape, always having to hike everywhere. 

 I had heard Biga (Abigail) was going to have a pig killed for her bday (or maybe it was we got 1/2 a pig?) I don't know. But anyway - the pig WAS killed, and we ate so much yummmmy pork all day. The community members and some of the PCVs killed the pig. I decided I didn't want to go watch, so I stayed asleep. They kill the animals very early, so then there's more time to sell the fresh meat. As for our portion of the pig, we made pulled pork sandwiches. They were awesome. I'm not gonna lie and say they were as some pulled pork I've had back at home, but I will say - it was the best pulled pork I've had in quite some time. And so fresh! I met all her family, and they were so nice. Her host mom was a cook in the city (ie, Panama) and she played chef for the group of us 12, I think. TANGENT: This is the 2nd time in Panama that an animal was specifically killed for a celebration I was attending. One day at my host family's house, there was a massive 40th birthday party for a family member who lives in Washington State, but was visiting her family here and showing her husband and son where she's from for the first time. And they had a calf killed! And I gotta tell you. That cow was incredible. There was so much grilling that day. And for a country that can't make a burger (no offense, Panamá - you gotta have some flaws) they can grill some fresh beef! It was a little chewy, and I'm sure my own dad would've done it better as Mr. Steakmaster, but damn! I ate so much beef those two days. Just when I thought, I've had enough beef, more was prepared.... hahaha. I just love the idea of being at someone's bday party at home and hearing, "we killed a calf for this..." I will say that I've learned that both pigs and calves have WAY more meat than I envisioned. Now back to the story.

We slept in the 2-room school and used the latrine outside, and/or just the outside. While a few people had running water for showers, as luck had it, the water ran out as I was about to shower in this shed looking thing that I could barely stand up straight due to my height and struggled a bit to turn around without hitting something. It was long and skinny with a makeshift shower curtain on one side that likely doesn’t leave much to the imagination during the daytime and zinc walls on the other sides. And the latrine was about one full step away from the shower area: a hole in the ground with a raised circle to sit on about a foot off the ground. Luckily, the girl before me had emptied out the water bowl beneath the showerhead before her shower and I used “fresh water” that for my first Panamanian bucket shower. This is an incredible feat, as most people in my program have had to take bucket showers regularly during training. Once I ALMOST did during training, but just when my patience was running dry (aha, aha) the water came guzzling back to life. Que Suerte. I learned that in the campo, my flashlight with a magnet on the back works so well, because I can stick it to the latrine walls for hands free light! 

The next night before the baile/community-wide birthday party and after an awesome adventure to the rio, I showered in the pouring rain (w. my bathing suit on). I found a decent run off spot from a roof and even successfully washed my hair! Because it poured and poured before the baile, I think less people came out than would have from outlying communities, but all of her community was there, probably around 150 people. She is essentially a celebrity there. It’s so crazy. I can’t help but be a little envious of the admiration the Panamanian people have for her, but it’s apples and oranges. My community has 4,000 people, so it’s likely that some people don’t even know that there is a PCV in La Peña. We danced and we drank some fermented corn drink that I can’t ever remember. It’s like chicha fuerte, but it has it’s own special name. It was a fun party, although semi impossible to dance due to the T H I C K mud that covered everyone’s shoes. When you picked up your feet, you had at least 4 inches of mud stuck there. I danced with two or three Panamanians and the next day…. DRUMROLL…. The bochinche (gossip) about me was that “The grande grande alta chica” is a really good dancer. Whoop whoop! I’ll take it! The next morning we left early and headed back to our sites. I lucked out and was able to sit in the front seat with the driver. So, I saw great vistas and I didn’t have too much trouble with motion sickness. I seriously enjoyed hanging out with the Veraguas crew. They’re loads of fun. One girl granted me the title of honorary G75 volunteer, since basically everyone there was a G75 SAS volunteer. Very sweet people.

 So, even though I missed an opportunity to hang out with my own compañeros from the school, I did get to know my compañeros from Veraguas better. Now I'm working to be there for other events and not miss another opporunity to get in good with my school partners. I really like everyone at my school. I'm fortunate to have my counterparts that I do, and fortunate to live in Veraguas with the other awesome PCVs here.

Don't Mess With... Panamá?

Recently I've concluded that Panamá is very similar to my image of Texas. (Read: all things Hope Floats)  Stay with me on this. Beauty pageants and rodeos are really big here. Substitute futbol with football, and we'd have Texas. Obviously, I'm generalizing Texas, but there we have it; you'll get over it.

Belly dancer.

Since being here I have attended a one legit beauty pageant, one school queen selection and coronation (I'd consider this to be pageanty- but not quite as legitimate as the other one.), and modeling shows. I've mentioned that my host sister is a beauty queen, and yes, that's why. Let's just say - life is weird. Schools choose reinas (queens) for the entire year. It is a combination of beauty, popularity and talent from what I can tell, and they seem to have more power than the Homecoming Queens at home, but if we're honest - the U.S. is not THAT different, in case you're thinking Panamanians are weird or something - falso. Weirdly, at all the events I've been to with my sister, there have also been belly dancers. Belly dancers seem to be haunting me. They're everywhere. At first I thought they were pretty awesome, but now I realize they're just buying time as they make us wait to reveal the winners. (The waiting time here would make some people I know have a stroke. These announcers just love s t r e t c h i n g everything out f o r e v e r. So, one Friday night we went to cheer on my sister as she competed in a pageant and sadly lost. (Although I feel like she was robbed. I went to several of the pre-pageant events, and she was way more beauty queen than the other girls... Just saying...) The event itself was in a hotel, and for hours - hours! - we sat on metal folding chairs waiting for it to start. We ended up sitting in the front row with seats that said reserved on them. How? My host mom. A girl literally got up to go to the bathroom and we moved in. The girl came back and I have no idea what my mamá said to her, but she left. (Read: Don't eff with Arlenis.) Also, can you imagine that at home? I feel like there would be blood. So the girls danced and they showed some footage from their photo shoots and then they finally announced the winners, and it was so complicated and boring and unexciting by the end. And they kind of screwed up the announcement of the winner, so while it was a bit confusing due to the outrageously loud bass and Spanish, it was confusing for everyone in our group, too. The best parts were when the contestants danced with a partner, and instead of using her partner, Josmel - her brother - she danced with Abuelo. I filmed it to give her. I thought it was pretty darn special. And I did really like the

Sister taking on the red carpet.

All the models... Note: one guy model.

One of the losers but great dress!

belly dancers, since this was the first time I'd seen these girls perform. Also, an urban dance team performed and I loved that. They were great!

The contestants. Keysha was the crowd favorite.

My sister in her handmade bejeweled dress before she handed over her crown.

Now. Rodeos. I've been to 3 in my life, and 2 of those were in Panamá. The other one was with Danny and Christie in Idaho. The one in Idaho was way more official and clean... The first Panarodeo was when my 14 year old host brother was competing. He did not do well, but I think it's pretty cool. We stood outside at night around a horse ring with a sprinkling of other folks and mostly men on horses. It was definitely a small rodeo scene, but there were a surprising amount of riders. Then the next rodeo was a giant stadium with horses and riders from each of the provinces competing. It was pretty cool, but also disgusting. Let me explain. You know how when you sit on bleachers, there's a raised portion to sit on so when people knock over drinks and throw snacks on the floor, there's some buffer. Unquestionably, sometimes your shoes can get gross at a ball park or a stadium, depending on what is being eaten and drunk, but in this stadium there were no raised seats. You were sitting on questionable stuff and when beers were tossed aside, you got even dirtier. Yuck. So mind over matter, I acted like it was fine. And my host family was doing it too, so there's that. After the rodeo, they have bailes. And the songs are played by live tipico bands and people dance close and fast. The dancing is not line dancing, but there's some definite two-step similarities. My host brother and sister danced a lot together before we were finally able to leave. I hate to sound dramatic... "finally able to leave", but I was told prior to getting there that we'd leave after the rodeo and not go to the baile, and by that point I was busted! So sleepy. So, I was duped yet again! :)  But what can I do about it? I think I handled it alright.  Everyday I'm grateful to be here, living this new life, and developing a thicker, more patient skin.

So "Texis" (said in Will Ferrell's GW Bush's voice). Pageants and Rodeos. See what I mean?

Trying on the crown for size...

Mamá sure can throw a party.

Mi mamá was working at the secondary school where I help, but she has changed careers. (A little strange to me, since the change happened over our 1-week school vacation break, but that's how it seems to go down here.) There's apparently no promises that teachers will remain at a school until the end of the school year. For instance, my sister now has a new government teacher. Her former teacher was an attorney, but he realized he had too much work to do both. Now she has a new attorney-teacher.

(Tangent: One PCV commented that she found out a teacher was retiring in the middle of the school year and could not believe that a teacher would be willing to abandon her class in the middle, even if that is when the teacher's retirement date fell. I commented that I absolutely would believe that, and I was asked whether or not I care about the kids. Jigga whaaaa? Firstly, it's not the teacher's fault when the retirement fell - that seems like an administration problem - I don't understand why or how retirement can fall in the middle of a school year, but that teacher should never be shunned for taking it on the date it falls. Additionally, no one would say (in their right mind), oh my goodness - I cannot believe that doctor took his retirement - he still has patients! Even the Pope was allowed to take retirement. It frustrates me when people act like the fate of the world seems to be in the hands of educators. And to act like the teacher is selfish for taking retirement - I'm over that sentiment. I do understand where the PCV was coming from. It seems sad for a teacher to not finish the school year, but the reality is - teachers are replaceable. I left my school year this year right in the middle of the semester after exams. Yes, my students were surprised to learn I'd be leaving at Christmas, but by the end of January at exam time, they were given enough time to emotionally prepare for the change. Anyway. Good teachers are, of course, invaluable, but don't put the fate of the world in the hands of a group of underpaid, overworked, societally under-appreciated workers and then say it's absurd for them to desire to take retirement. Ranteth completeth.)

Back to the party. So, mom now works for MEDUCA, the school system here - oh hey, connections! :)  And she has upped the ante of her other business. In her other business, she delivers perfume, shoes, and other beauty products to people in Santiago. She keeps meticulous records and collects money. I'm not really sure what you would call this, but it seems to be a form of Avon lady, but for more stuff and without any real allegiance to one brand. Last Wednesday, there was a huge party celebrating the grand opening of her business. We visited the office in the past, so I knew something was going down - but I didn't grasp the extent of this business. I thought she had 2 partners in her business, because during the ribbon cutting ceremony - yep, there was one - two other people held the scissors with her, but it was just clarified that they are her employees. Mmm hmmm entrepreneurial mom. Take that traditional social roles! There was an awesome spread of food, a champagne toast, some soda, a Priest gave a longer than expected blessing of the building (there was a reading and reflection involved...), a drag queen gave a performance and MC'd a bit, and there was a DJ pumping the jams.

Firstly, WOW. I had visited my mom's office maybe 7 days prior, and the walls were still being painted and there were some splatters on the floor, but SHAZAM! Just like that, the office was ready for business. The party displayed many of the options you could have for your upcoming event. For instance, wedding attire, quince attire, food spreads, drinks, etc. One girl was walking around in what I presume was a Princess ball gown modeling a quince dress. Some of the teachers from the colegio (secondary school) showed up, so I was delighted to see "my people." I also spent a lot of time hanging out with Marina and her daughter. Marina is our housekeeper.

So, let's compare Panaparties to American parties. Firstly, when we arrived - no one was allowed to touch the food and there were no drinks. We were given about 1.5 hours to just look longingly at the food. (Otherwise known as socializing and paying attention during the many presentations.) Then after all the business was finished, we got in massive lines and buffeted the heck out of that food. It was demolished. I'm not saying the American way is better here, but we were pretty darn hungry by that point, so tensions were high. I would argue that people would've been a little more calm had we been able to eat the food at the start, but that's probably just my hunger talking. ha. Also, no booze except for the champagne toast. Not gonna lie, smart move, mom. Way cheaper for a party full of potential customers, plus, it was a work night. I did feel a little left out of the family stuff at times, but I get it - they were busy, but I did make an attempt to hang with Abuelo at times. He insisted I take my picture with the decorations, so I could update my Whatsapp picture. Oh, Abuelo. 

It ended up an excellent night, and it was definitely a night of immersion, since we only spoke Spanish and I learned tons about yeye Pana-party customs. Really impressed with mi mamá for taking this leap in her business. Pretty darn brave if you ask me. 

   

                     The Legendary Abuelo!                                                                    Y Marina!

My potential new Whatsapp pictures. Thanks for the suggestion, Abuelo.

To See Waters: Ver Aguas.

Torio Beach

                       
Firstly, I'm not sure what Veraguas really means. But it is the only province that touches both the Pacific & Atlantic, so I'm gonna go ahead and say it is literal "Ver" To See, "Aguas" Waters.

Friday we had our regional meeting, which I had been very excited about, since it meant I got to meet the mysterious other PCVs in my province of Veraguas (to be said in a whispered parsel-tongue like tone as you elongate the "as" sound at the end.)  Ver-ahhh-guaaassssssss.

So, I made it on time - much to my relief with all my stuff and waited outside for the meeting room to open up. My first observation was that when I approached the group of people, they did not seem very warm and did not introduce themselves. Hmm weird, I says to myself. I waited for a good time to be the initiator, but it just did not happen. The country director, Pete, and the assistant country director, Sue, were both there in the circle, and I was able to chat with Sue a bit.

Finally, more people arrived and I chatted with those folks. It was initially a little off-putting to think that my region did not seem very inviting. Ouch. But then the doors opened, and we entered the gloriously a/c'd room, and I went out of my way to introduce myself to people and try to remind them of how normal social situations go down at home in the states. Maybe they've been too far removed living in the Panamanian Campo. Ha. People seemed very friendly upon introductions.

It seems that a normal regional meeting consists of signing some papers, getting shots when required, listening to Pete and Sue, listening to the Regional Leader, and hearing from representatives from different parts of the Peace Corps program, also my current RL Bridget likes to include something silly in the mix, which I appreciate. I'm going to miss having her as my RL. This meeting we had a haiku contest, and I got 3rd place! You will find my award winning haiku at the end of my post. So in terms of groups, Veraguas has CEC, SAS, and TE in the region, but soon it will only have SAS and TE. (If these terms don't make sense to you, you have failed at keeping up with my blog. For shame!)
I was especially excited to meet the non-TE folks, since I hadn't met anyone from the other sectors other than CEC 76. No one lives super close to me, but there are some interesting folks that live off the grid. I'd love to go see their sites and maybe learn how to do some stuff. The major plus could be that while I go visit, I could return to my own site and ya know, have electricity and showers, and easy access to a washing machine again. :)

Also, I really like how the other sectors have some other people that are my age! Hurray!

1/2 priced ritas on Thurs!

I really love some of my TE and CEC folks, and after teaching HS and connecting with so many students, I do know that age is just a number - BUT - I am grateful that there are some people that will understand my movie/tv references more readily. It's painful (comically, of course) when a joke falls flat because people don't understand the allusion. (For example: While sipping margaritas one night in Santiago, Varsity Blues came on the tv in the restaurant, so we're kind of watching and talking, since it's just video, no audio. I'm not proud to have seen this movie. I can't help but assume I watched it because of my brothers, but who knows. Anyway - the coach (Jon Voight) is flipping out about how the team refuses to play for him anymore, and he gets so red and he's yelling. So I say, this is when he rips his face off and we realize it's Tom Cruise. No one knew what I was talking about. Are you telling me a Mission Impossible reference is too old for people? Double ouch.) I know - I'm hilarious.

After the regional meetings, people tend to get together to go on some sort of trip to celebrate the beauty that is their province. We went to Torio beach, which is to the south - so it's the Pacific Ocean. There were 12 of us total that stayed in the hostel together. After hitting up the grocery store for hostel supplies, we headed back to the terminal for the bus departure. The 2 hour or so bus trip was unbearably hot, but there were some beautiful sights along the way.

Cows impeding our road to the beach.

Once we got to Torio, we made our way to the hostel and dropped off our stuff, changed for the beach, and headed down to check it out.  It was really beautiful. The sand was only okay, but in terms of the view - wow. It felt like I was on my own private beach.
 I swam for a while Friday, and then we had some beers and a fish dinner at the restaurant/bar on the beach. Delicious. I really had a great time getting to know some of the Veraguas folks. That night I finally slept on my Therm-a-rest because the hostel only had 8 beds. I slept well and saved $4 for the hostel. :) Woot! I decided to sleep outside of the dorm room, which was awesome. I got to see so many stars and wasn't eaten alive by mosquitoes, believe it or not! Saturday I woke up to rain, which I loved (because I had a roof overhead), and I got to watch the rain fall on the beautiful landscape. It was like comfort camping. And the hostel even had hot water in the shower, which was beyond luxurious. Saturday, I sort of just hung out and read, and later, we all headed to the beach. That night I splurged on a $8 dinner of lobster pasta. The sauce was so rich; it was yummy. Definitely made me wish I lived closer to the coast. That night we sat around the hostel telling some tales before heading to bed. And the next day we all headed back to Santiago before going our own ways. We lucked out and were able to fit into a busito together. So, my assessment is that Veraguas may have been a little prickly at first, but overall - it's a good group that I think I will fit in with just fine! 

 Needed a change of

Scenery in life. Ready

To see what comes next.

No Cable Cars Here - San Francisco Treats.

The beautiful San Francisco.

I visited Roxana's site in San Francisco, which is about an hour from me. First I take a bus to Santiago, and then I bus from Santiago to San Fran. She had spoken about how cute her site is, and it really is. I'm just doing my best not to have site envy at this point.

When I arrived we headed to her host family's home, which is too nice - So classic! It's beautifully and thoughtfully decorated and is so clean and lovely. It's what I dream my future grownup "home" will look like. Just clean and smart. No clutter.

Me, Roxana, & Kara overlooking SF

We (the Veraguas crew: Rox, Kara, and I) decided to hike this huge hill in her site. Roxana spoke to her friend and she volunteered to be our guide. That might sound a bit ridiculous, but a guide was essential because our route cut through all these cow pastures with barbed wire, and it was not a direct path. It was easier than I imagined it would be in the heat, since looking up at this hill made me wonder why I was the one who literally had suggested to Roxana that we use our vacation time to "go hiking." Luckily the other 3 gals were still game on, and so began our "cerro hike." En route to the cerro start, our guide, Josie, showed us some of the beauty of her home - San Francisco. The two "water features" photos are in fact actual cascading waterfalls. Stifling my site envy... Back to the hike.

Did I mention it's beautiful?

Admittedly, I haven't done any major hikes in a while, but I do enjoy the workout of it. I had been in the middle of the group, and I moved to the caboose, where I could set my own pace. I realized the hardest part for me this time was just having to stop a lot because the people in front kept stopping and before that.  It was fine - I think they thought that was a nice thing to do? I don't know, but once we got going, it was clear where the trail was, so it wasn't as necessary. And I don't like being right on top of people while hiking, so I left a little bit of space between me and the person in front of me, since sometimes I move faster, and sometimes I definitely move slower, so maybe they thought I was being left behind.   And with all that sweating and huffing and puffing, the last thing I wanted was anyone too close. At the top we got to do some rock scrambling, which was really fun. The whole trip was pretty funny. Pre-hike, I drank a lot of water, made sure to use my inhalers that I rarely use, but perhaps should use daily, since I breathe so elegantly while hiking. I brought my backpack of stuff with me: sunblock, 2 water bottles, umbrella, and stuff for swimming later. The girl guiding us? She brought nothing. Literally nothing, and she was wearing a super cute Tommy Hilfiger looking outfit with matching shoes that looked like Keds. I was wearing hiking boots. I will say though. My boots did a great job. I felt very secure. But compared to the bad ass Josie (our guide), I looked ridiculous.

After hiking, we visited the bakery. We were given a heavenly concoction of tutti frutti and lemonade. It reminded me of the drink I made in college mixing the two drinks in the cafeteria, but this was way more delicious. It had a great zing to it. We hung out and relaxed at the bakery and then toured a little bit more. Jenn (another PCV, not from Veraguas) joined us at the bakery.

We visited a sort of swimming hole looking thing. There were two waterfalls leading into it. It was magical. We got to swim for a long time, which I adored. I swam against the current of one of the waterfalls and it was like I had my own lap pool. My arms were sore the next day.

Where we swam!

Following our swim, we went to Roxana's home and cooked dinner and made some zucchini bread. Rox is essentially the Betty Crocker of the group. But how lucky because I got to get some super yummy bread before I headed home that night. I really lucked out with visiting her site because there is a bus that leaves her house after 7 PM, and my last bus leaves after 8 PM, so I can always visit her and still make it home to my place - should I desire that.

Relieved Exhaustion.

I had a great day seeing my future swimming hole. :)  I'm certainly jealous I do not have my own place to swim nearby, but such is life. Two buses and I'm there!

 You Hate Us, 'cuz You Ain't Us - V E R A G U A S.

What? What? What are you doing?!?

Hey, so I think it's that time when I'm able to give a little bit of clarity in to what I'm doing here in PC Panama.

First of all, my journey started with the thought of:

Not everyone understands this feeling, but some of you out there totally do. So, I did. I decided I needed some change. Following college graduation, I have worked as a high school English teacher. I was in the PACT program - a service Master's program at Providence College. I taught in Massachusetts and Washington, DC. I was not burnt out, but I decided I needed something different, but I'm just too practical to take off and live in a new country for awhile. Ever since I could afford it, I've traveled, but my real dream has been to live and work abroad. So, as I stated - I took the leap. I knew I wanted to feel fulfilled and challenged in my work, and I have always had a large heart for service. I had heard of several exceptional programs for international service work, but one, CRS (Catholic Relief Services), required that I be bilingual and have lived overseas for an entire year. Now, if you add up all my time combined - I've definitely lived overseas for more than a year, but the reality is, I still wasn't bilingual. That being said - I haven't given up on the CRS idea. So I realized that in order to be truly helpful in the 'international aid world', one needs to be bilingual. I knew that if I stayed working as a HS English teacher, I'd never have the time to properly learn a language. I talked to a trusted Catholic mentor who had done PC in Kenya, and I decided okay - I think this could be my path. And I told myself that if I was told no - okay, that's the end of this, but if it all happens, then I'm all in.  I went to my interview in November of 2013 and that's when things  s   l   o  w   e   d  down.

It says on the application (or at least it did - now things are a little different with the new application) that you should be prepared to leave within 1 year of the time you submit your application. But it took well over that. So, I kept the high school where I taught aware of the situation, and thankfully, they were supportive. I finally got my invitation to serve, and I spoke to my school about leaving after midterm exams. 

After all that, I felt a little bit like this.

It wasn't easy, but mostly because of the amount of time and effort it took for me to get here. I had to take a CLEP test to prove I had some language skills to be considered for a Spanish speaking nation. I had numerous doctor's appointments and had to pay for so much stuff. Shots, dentists appts, new Rxs, worrying about my insurance ending, ayiyiyi. And then just submitting the paperwork required so much effort. This is, of course, on top of full-time teaching 5 high school English courses, which if you're ignorant to this - we teachers have a massive amount of grading to do on a weekly basis. And I coached volleyball in the fall and co-moderated the yearbook up until my departure. Lastly, I had to sell my possessions and pack up what remained of my DC apartment to move myself and my stuff home to my parents' home in Florida. I'm not asking for a medal, I'm merely painting a picture as to why I can say that yes, I felt overwhelmed prior to my arrival in Panamá.

But a slower, more simplistic life is what I'm aiming for. I'm not claiming I'll be able to perfect my life in the PC or anything that dramatic. Plus, any journey story makes it clear that in order to find oneself - just go back to the starting point. I do want to change though. Maybe it will be subtle. I understand that my experience in PC will likely be different than those without my same life experiences, but I too want personal growth, even if it just means learning more about what makes me, me. Already I have made some self discoveries. These are things I knew, but now I know I know them. If that makes sense. I have learned that I adjust to situations well. And I've learned that I have a gift that others often struggle with. I get along well with others. I have empathy for others and an ability to connect with people. Like I said, I kind of knew these things, but after witnessing others struggling, I realized that this gift sets me apart. I've also learned just how tough I am on myself. I've wanted to learn Spanish more quickly than I have. I don't know why I thought it would be a faster process, but I did! So now I'm trying to be kinder to myself. I wanted adventure. I wanted to be lost and confused and frustrated. Mission accomplished. I wanted to laugh, to jump in rivers, to speak comfortably in Spanish, to see the many beautiful sites in Panamá. Well, that's just begun.

I know that in all my life struggles I've experienced the most growth, so while I'm not hoping for hard times ahead - I'm confident that there will be plenty of chances for self growth. So, this is me taking my shot at taking some time for me. Already, I'm reaping benefits. I'm excited to see what discoveries are made on the adventure ahead. Because here I am, in Panamá, with two years to learn about another culture and language, with two years to make personal connections, with two years to help a community, with two years to travel in Panamá, and with two years to grow as a person.

Let's Do This!

Drinking the PC Kool-Aid.

For clarity's sake, I just need to explain a few things that may not be ubiquitously understood.

1. Panamá has the most PCVs serving in one country than any other. Around 200 or more. 
2.  There are 4 sectors here in Panamá. All 4 sectors are focused on sustainability. Meaning, when we leave - things keep moving without us. 
1. TE (what I'm in) English Teacher Trainers/Education Realm. We were asked by MEDUCA (Ministry of Education) to come in and help strengthen English education here in Panamá.
2. CEC  "Community Environmental Conservation (CEC) - Works with youth and communities on the management of watersheds, protected areas, solid waste and ecotourism development." -Wikipedia CEC 76 was in my training group, but they lived in a different city.
3. SAS "Sustainable Agriculture Systems (SAS) - Provides technical assistance to small farmers in high production, low-impact organic farming techniques." -Wikipedia
4. EH "Environmental Health (EH) - Volunteers train local groups to operate, maintain and manage community water, sanitation and health systems." -Wikipedia
3. Panama while seemingly developed is actually not. Sure, there is the beautiful capital and some excellent tourism in a small portion of this gorgeous country, but the reality is - many places are without water. Even more are without clean water. There are many health concerns, there is malaria, the pregnancy rate is atrocious for teen girls, and while in this American English teacher's opinion, the American educational system definitely needs a tune up, the Panamanian system needs an overhaul. Frustratingly enough, Peace Corps will not fix the educational system. For instance, we cannot fix the fact that students do not turn in assignments and face no repercussions. While I think grades matter too much at home, they matter too little here. Instead, we must take the "starfish story" approach, and focus on helping one starfish at a time. For instance, yes, sexual education could benefit young couples, but so could conversations regarding their goals for the future. PCVs can help with both.
4.  We have 10 weeks of training in a Panamanian community as we live with a host family. We have Spanish classes for 4 hours a day and technical classes for the other half. We are absolutely babied for 10 weeks and then after Swear In, we are birthed into the world to breathe on our own.   
5. From past stories I've heard, PC has definitely changed over the years and through technological advances, we're really not that far out of touch with the rest of the world, which has its advantages and disadvantages. I think some of the major changes have happened as a result of security issues, which I can understand as a teacher. All rules are put in place because something or someone caused it to become a rule.
6.  Now I'm here in my site. I have to send in reports to prove I'm doing service to the powers on high (in this case, Washington and the taxpayers), and I have to attend meetings and trainings, but the reality is - my service is in my hands. It's liberating and frightening to have so much freedom, but this is what I signed up for. So, what am I doing? Well, I'll be able to explain better after some time. Teachers know that rarely do we see the fruits of our labor within a short period of time. So, if you're like me, and you're curious to find out what - if any - impact I will have on my community, you will need to learn one of the most necessary of tools for life here in Panamá, not to mention the most important tool as an educator: Patience.

 Take a breath. And wait. The bus will come. The meeting will start. The rain will stop. The electricity will come back on. This meeting will end. There will be results. In time. 

Oh and for anyone concerned - don't worry. I don't actually believe Peace Corps is the greatest organization in the world. (In reference to my title about drinking the Kool-Aid.) It is one of many great organizations that does excellent work in developing nations, but I am quite proud to be working for Peace Corps as a PCV, and I am honored that I get to live and work in Panamá. But I do seriously believe that every one should own a hammock. I'll save that for another day.

La Peña - my home.

I'm here. I'm in La Peña. And it's hot. I mean hot. Hot Hot.

It's hot, but I bought a fan that changed everything:

You're probably like oh Kelly, that's silly. But no, seriously. Game changer. That fan. My counterpart helped me get one and then my family helped me exchange it when the first one was missing parts. Hurray for knowing people.

Heroes come in all sizes. 

So, on Friday there was a celebration of black Panamanians. (Think African American history month, but way cooler because there was music and food, not just reading stories!) Here's some pictures of the dancing and some videos. I don't fully know how the ballroom type dance fits in, but no importa - it's quality stuff!

Also, please note that yes - black face is a thing during this. Actually one kid went all out and is wearing some dark brown legging type pants too. I won't say more other than - here it seems to be a true respect for a culture that has definitely helped shape Panama.

So, La Peña - I arrived just in time for exam week and vacation. I am trying to get my bearings and learn more about the community. I did attend a rosary prayer with my host mom and brother. I had NO idea where we were headed, which is almost always the case here in Panama, and I wished I had brought translations, so I could say it along with them, but now I'm ready for the next possible time.

Seriously, my life is a constant state of mystery. My Abuelo here did say - Kelly, this is your home. It was a very sweet thing to say, and I've taken it to heart.

After 3 mos. I will move out, but part of me is questioning the sanity in doing this when clearly I've got a good thing going here. I do wish I had more privacy though. It's tough having Marina (housekeeper) around all of the time during the day. Fingers crossed my new place will have all my essentials: water, electricity, no creepy strangers.

Also, I'm hoping we head someplace for our vacation break!!!

My family has wifi - hence I am able to update the blog here. It's taking a long time, but the great part now that I've actually started my service is - I have free time! It's brilliant. 

Love from La Peña.

Recollections.

So, I’m aware I’ve dropped off the blogging world. I can argue that this is mostly because I’ve been living, and thus, I’ve been busy, but I do think about how I wanted to write and share, because I did, but I just couldn’t make myself take the time to write when I have been trying to study my Spanish and enjoy my family.

I really feel so lucky to have gotten to know my past family. They really were the perfect fit for me,

even though at first I wondered how I got placed with so many animals! Fortunately, the dogs didn’t live inside, so it worked. Now I weirdly miss the roosters even. My last night, my family was found in the kitchen watching a video explaining how to make lasagna. Then we feasted on lasagna (with chicken and beef!) and fresh tomatoes. I made a few desserts that final week (brownies twice and cookies once) and when I brought home thank you flowers that final night, my mom had been making the chicken for the lasagna and she hugged me with her raw chicken hands. Hahahaha it was hilarious and gross. There was like a chicken handprint on my back, and because that day I was wearing an actual tank top, it was actually my back. Bleht. It was a little sad leaving for many reasons, but I had been really hoping to meet Yessi’s newborn born: Brian Enrique, but he hadn’t been permitted to leave the hospital yet. At least I got to spend time with all of them.  I could head back to their house to meet the baby if I could make it back in one day, since I’m not supposed to be gone during my first 3 mos. Anyway, I had really wanted to see the baby when he was a few days old because that’s so rare to get to hold a newborn! So I officially left.

As I’m writing, I’m now in my new home of La Peña with my new host family. A huge sound of thunder just sounded the whole house. (Just helping you envision life in Panama.)

Funny and Strange Moments:

-       Girl dropped her smart phone in a latrine. (Ain't no coming back from that... not to mention it's basically impossible to reach.)

-     Dillon: “Kelly, psst… the key just fell out of the ignition and the car is still moving…” (On the drive to Penonome for tech week.) It’s still unclear to me how that was not an issue for the bus driver. 

-       Easter Vigil Mass, supposedly started at 6 pm, but it really started at 830 and ended around 930 and we were given a rice and chicken and ceviche on crackers. Delish.When the Priest made small talk I understood nothing.

-       I literally had ants in my pants. Oh and I got them from the latrine.

-       I had a scorpion in my bra.  I calmly got it out and killed it with the help of my friend, Jody. He let me know he was there, and luckily I brought a tissue with me on my walk up la loma. His remains rest in pieces there near la loma.

-       I saw a coral snake on the sidewalk one morning. (Still alive.) He poked it with a stick. We didn't realize that coral snakes can look different than the ones in Florida. (We're still alive, too.)

-       During Semana Santa (Holy Week) my parents went out of town, so I stayed at home alone. There are some beliefs people have here during Semana Santa. Apparently there’s some spirits that are around during Semana Week. Also, if you swim in the river on Good Friday, you can become a mermaid. I mean, people really believe this. Really. REALLY. It’s like pasmo. People genuinely believe you’ll get sick from cold water after a workout or stepping into a/c when you’re too hot. So, during Semana Santa I stepped on a snake. From age 5-18 and all the times I’ve been back, I’ve never stepped on a snake in Florida. 2 mos., in Panama and yup, I stepped on a snake. I’m gonna go ahead and say it was a rat snake, even if it’s not true. It lived for those of you concerned. Also, later that night a lizard jumped on my hand – so who knows about the truths to crazy things happening during Semana Santa! But the awesome thing about Semana Santa is the fantastic feasting! There is no fasting, just eating and more eating! And wow the food is so good! I can’t wait for Holy Week next year! I don’t know if my new family feasts the same way, but man am I gonna miss my Santa Rita family then! We cooked this huge jambalaya type meal (but not spicey). It had assorted seafood stuff in it. YUM!

-       Dillon and Natalie were lied to about their meal once. It was pig head. Hahaha. Natalie said she saw whiskers.

-       Also, during Semana Santa, since I was left alone, they left my pal Osito home with me. (dog) Name means little bear. He and I are buddies. I saw he had a tick on him, so I helped remove it. At first I was gonna use a rock but then he ran away from me. I forgot that people throw rocks at dogs here. But then I used a fork. Hahaha It was effective. The tick was so big that it wasn't too hard to remove. Yup, then I killed it. SO FOUL. I can’t unsee that. Unfeel that. Unhear that. Bleht.

Meanwhile, after the huge thunder – no hay lluvia. There’s no rain. Arg.

-       Found a poison dart frog in my bed.  
-       Swore in as an official volunteer! I forced Joel take this picture with me to make it "official." The second pic is my Group 76 Veraguas Crew! Small but mighty - but for real - they're tiny women.

(Left: Roxana will live around 20 minutes away and Right: Kara around 40? I think. Tyler will be the future RL in Santiago (aka Regional Leader of Veraguas.)

So at this point, I've been in site for a little less than a week. Some highlights include: receiving rides to Santiago to pick up my mail at the PO and finding I had packages from my mom waiting. And one of my counterparts also took me to the fan store. Everything is in Santiago, and while it's not that far away - it's not walking distance close. Honestly, little things like this just make your life so much easier when living somewhere else. I didn't know where the PO really was (aka I couldn't remember exactly) and having her help made it so much easier. Also, having help to know where to purchase a fan was huge, too. Now super cheap - but it's gonna last me 2 years! That is, after I opened the box to build it, and I realized I had 2 of the same part and needed a different part - my family offered to drive me back to the store to exchange it. Miracle of Miracles! What a relief. I had no idea how I was going to make it back to the store with a heavy box in the bus, especially not knowing where I was going. Lesson learned: always take the floor model whenever possible in Panalife.

Feeling grateful for my family here, for my counterparts here, for electricity and for running water. And for the hilarious life as a fish out of water, but I wouldn't have it any other way!